By Dr. Eric Perry, PhDImage Credit: Pixabay “There is only one world, the world pressing against you at this minute. There is only one minute in which you are alive, this minute here and now. The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle.” ~Anonymous What if all we are is a fleeting and fragile physical manifestation of our thoughts; unconnected floating ideas that bind together to form the physical representation of your self andRead more
Posts filed in: Psychology
The Power of Empathy
Written by Dr. Eric PerryImage Credit: Pixabay “You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.” ~John Steinbeck The ability to see and feel the world from another person’s point of view is one of the most powerful human traits. Empathy allows you to transport yourself into another person and to experience the world through their eyes. Without empathy, we are empty vessels; nothing more than singular and isolated figures unable to connect with the world around us. ToRead more
How to Find Meaning In Your Life
Written by Dr. Eric PerryImage Credit: Pixabay “There’s nothing like impending death to rouse you from existential boredom.” ~Roger Ebert One of my pet peeves is to hear others complain about how bored they are with life. They wonder out loud, “What is the purpose of it all if we are going to die anyway?” To be bored with our life is a luxury we cannot afford and should not indulge. I believe that this combination of boredom and theRead more
What Lies Beneath Your Emotions – Reaction Formation
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware.” ~Albert Ellis What if you hated someone who you were socially and morally expected to love? For instance, what if you felt hate for your sibling, child or spouse? These feelings, if openly expressed and acknowledged, would be reprehensible to you. According to the theory of reaction formation, these feelings that we fear and deny will cause our unconscious to exaggerate the opposite ofRead more
How To Regain Your Balance When Life Knocks You Down
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.” ~Gail Sheehy We have all heard the expression that life can change in the blink of an eye. One moment you are skipping down the yellow brick road towards your happily ever after unaware that the paved road is about to turn to dirt. You work hard and feel that you are deserving of the life youRead more
Understanding the Grief and Loss Cycle
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “The whole world can become the enemy when you lose what you love.” ~Kristina McMorris The cycle of life is both beautiful and heartbreaking. From the moment of our birth, we share a common destiny with the rest of the world. The mortality that connects us makes life that much more remarkable. Knowing that death awaits us and our loved ones may be a haunting and difficult thought to bear. Truly, oneRead more
What Is Your Attachment Style?
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “What’s love got to do with it?” ~Tina Turner Humans are born helpless. Unlike other life forms such as insects that are born with fully developed brains and must immediately fend for themselves, we are born totally defenseless. We are unable to walk, talk or feed ourselves. Our cognitive functions are limited and some studies suggest that full brain development does not occur until we are 25 years of age. Further studiesRead more
Are You in Control of Your Life?
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “It is our attitude toward events, not events themselves, which we can control.” ~Epictetus Every morning before I head to the office, I go online and check the traffic report. I mentally rehearse my drive, avoiding all congested roadways, and check my backup route just in case. I have a cup of coffee, check my watch, and briefcase in hand, dash through the front door. I try to control my exposure toRead more
How to Manage Your Anxiety in an Anxious World
Written by Dr. Eric Perry, PhD Image Credit: Pixabay “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” ~Leo F. Buscaglia Millions of us are living lives disproportionately full of worry. This excessive worrying outweighs the possible impact that the occurrence of the anxiety-provoking event would have on our lives. We are not able to manage or control the thoughts that flood our minds. We are consumed with worry about family, health, work and everyday life events.Read more
You Teach Others How To Treat You
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “You teach people how to treat you.” ~Oprah Winfrey Many of us are living our lives repeating the same heartbreaking and unhealthy patterns. We appear to be stuck on replay unable to move forward while continually duplicating the chaos that caused us to leave our last relationship. Perhaps there is a belief that we have a “type” that we attract. We seem to get involved emotionally with the same type of personRead more
Self-Acceptance in the Social Media Age
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” ~Marilyn Monroe We are living in a world where we are able to form a virtual reality presence on a number of different platforms. Currently, we have YouTube, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook and numerous other social media and dating apps available to us. Many of us use these apps recreationally for a healthy amount of time. Current research shows thatRead more
You Are Not Damaged
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay It saddens me to hear people refer to themselves as being damaged. They speak about themselves as if they are a commodity that is for sale; a product whose price has been reduced for a perceived flaw. Often this expression is accompanied by the idea that no one would want to be with them. This idea of being damaged often stems from some form of abuse where the learned message was thatRead more
How Creative Are Your Dreams?
Written by Dr. Eric Perry “I have everything I need in my daydreams. A big home, fast car, money and tons of good friends. I could never have that in my so-called real life so why try?” ~Anonymous Maladaptive daydreaming is a psychological concept that was first introduced in 2002 by Eli Somer, a clinical psychologist who specializes in traumatized patients. Dr. Somer found that patients who suffer early trauma regularly escape into a world of imagination where they fantasize compensatory empoweringRead more
Are You a Good Friend to Yourself?
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “A friend is a gift you give yourself.” ~Robert Louis Stevenson What kind of friend are you? Are you attentive, kind and compassionate or, are you neglectful, uncaring and critical? Scrolling through quotes on the internet, I was reminded of the immense value we place on friendship. Throughout the ages, the special bond that forms between two strangers has been the source of poetic inspiration and noble reflections. Often, the friendships weRead more
How to Cope with Negative Emotions
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you’re doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness.” ~ Joel Osteen I help people for a living but I am also human and I, like you, experience a wide range of emotions. I am not a superhero with an impenetrable shield that causes all negative feelings to bounceRead more
Why Do You Blog?
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay We all have our personal reasons for wanting to publically journal or dare to attempt to write for others. I started my blog years ago as a way to escape. At this time, I was beginning to work on my Ph.D. My proposal had been approved and now came the difficult part of literature research and writing down coherently on paper what I had in my head. I remember the exact nightRead more
How to Set Boundaries with a Toxic Person
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “People inspire you or they drain you. Pick them wisely.” ~Hans F. Hansen We all know at least one person who seems to walk around in a state of doom and gloom. They are in short supply of joy but have an overabundance of negativity. This individual may be a friend, family member, loved one or co-worker. Often times, it is someone you briefly encounter in your daily life; such as, the personRead more
How To Spot Deception
Written by Dr. Eric Perry “He who has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.” ~Sigmund Freud In my profession, it is important to know if someone is lying to me or more importantly to themselves. Whether it is a small lie or a malicious lie, everyone lies at some point. ResearchRead more
It’s Ok To Have A Bad Day
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson I believe in maintaining a positive attitude in my life. But I also acknowledge that life is not perfect. It is impossible to live your life in an inexhaustible positive state of mind similar to a sugar high. Everywhere we look we are being told to be happy and that we have the abilityRead more
How to Spot Psychological Manipulators
Written by Dr. Eric Perry “You learn a lot about people when they don’t get what they want.” ~Anonymous Like the waves that forcefully crash on the shore and later gracefully retreat, there is an ebb and flow to life. The seasons change and the flowers bloom, only to later wilt. We all give and take in our daily lives. Our interactions with one another are overall based on a healthy exchange of emotions, ideas and positive social interactions. ThereRead more
Do You Know Your Shadow Side?
Written by Dr. Eric Perry “Hello darkness, my old friend I’ve come to talk with you again Because a vision softly creeping Left its seeds while I was sleeping And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains Within the sound of silence” ~Simon & Garfunkel Like Dr. Jekyll and his evil shadow Mr. Hyde, most of us are completely unaware of the constant dark companion that dwells within us. Our shadow side, according to C.G. Jung, theRead more
How to Recover From a Mistake Using G.R.O.W.T.H.™
Written by Dr. Eric Perry, PhD “You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.” ~Johnny Cash Mr. Cash was a smart man who brilliantly summed up how we should treat our mistakes. We must acknowledge that making mistakes isRead more
L.E.T. G.O.™ of Toxic Relationships
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “Toxic people attach themselves like cinder blocks tied to your ankles, and then invite you for a swim in their poisoned waters.” ~John Mark Green I would like to share with you an acronym that I created for my patients who are dealing with the effects of a toxic relationship. This acronym is a reminder to not form an attachment to an unhealthy bond by giving it your time and energy. The relationshipRead more
How To Avoid Turning The Holidays into The Hellidays
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay The holiday season is upon us. Everywhere I look I am greeted with reminders that Christmas is around the corner. I have to admit I love the look and smell of a douglas fir completely decorated with colorful and bright ornaments. It brings back wonderful childhood memories. To some of us, the holidays are a dreaded time of year. The bombardment of constant reminders may actually cause anxiety as we look forwardRead more
What Are You Willing To Allow?
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay Unfortunately, there are individuals who believe they are doomed to duplicate past mistakes and to repeat the same pattern of negative experiences. They mistakenly believe that it is their fault or their destiny to attract negative behaviors from others. They expect to experience and accept horrible behaviors from people they have allowed into their intimate circle of friends. Throughout their lives, their personal boundaries have been chiseled away to the point thatRead more
How to Identify & Overcome Imposter Syndrome
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “I have written 11 books but each time I think ‘Uh-oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’” ~Maya Angelou At one time or another in life, we all have felt that perhaps we were not worthy of the life we have or the praise and recognition we receive from others. You wake up feeling that the shoes you walk inRead more
How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “I am the greatest obstacle to my greatest dreams.” ~Craig D. Lounsbrough The subconscious mind is like an overgrown hedge maze. We enter it thinking we can quickly get through to the other side only to realize we are lost somewhere in the middle. How often do you set out to accomplish a task only to start ruminating about something that went wrong in your life? Lost in thought we forget thatRead more
How to Let Go of Control
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” ~Thomas Kempis Many of us attempt to do the impossible on a daily basis. In an effort to prove that we have control over our lives we try to control everything in our environment including the people around us. Essentially, we are trying to control our inner lifeRead more
Is FOMO Ruining Your Life?
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not.” ~Ann Brashares We are living in an age of ubiquitous distractions and interruptions. Technology has given us the ability to stay connected to each other every single second of the day. You can watch events unfold throughout the world in the palm of your hand. Like no other time in history, you are given unparalleled access to the lives ofRead more
How to Turn Negative Urges into Positive Actions
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.” ~Hans Selye Sublimation is a subconscious psychological defense mechanism whereby we take a negative impulse and channel it into a positive behavior. This is similar to displacement (click here to refer to my earlier post on displacement) but instead of taking a negative impulse, such as aggression towards one’s boss, and displacing that negative feeling onto an innocent third partyRead more
The Unhealthy Consumer: When is it Enough?
Written by Dr. Eric Perry “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” ~Will Rogers Wherever we look, we are constantly being fed the idea that we need more “stuff.” We have 24-hour television channels devoted entirely to entice us to buy more and more items we don’t really need. Every commercial break is an opportunity to sell to a captive audience. For those who do not watchRead more
Break Free From The Stimulation Nation
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “I believe people are afraid to be still because we’re used to being stimulated.” ~Michael W. Smith When was the last time you sat alone in silence without anything or anyone to distract you? For many of us, it is difficult to be alone without something to entertain us or to focus our attention on. In its most obvious and prevalent form, the distraction comes in the form of our mobile phones. TheRead more
How to Overcome the Discard Stage of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “Here is a new car, a new iPhone. We buy. We discard. We buy again. In recent years, we’ve been doing it faster.” ~Arlie Russell Hochschild So here you are, in the middle of the aftermath and wreckage. You have been left behind by a cold-hearted narcissist who once intoxicated you with love and admiration. You most likely are feeling confused, hurt, overwhelmed and angry. You bought into the love bombing. You sacrificed lifeRead more
What Are You Psychologically Projecting?
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.” ~Herman Hesse Do you view the world through the sunny optimism of rose-colored lenses or is the tint of your worldview darker and more gloomy? One’s view of the world has a lot to do with the internal script created by one’s unconscious mind. You are both the author,Read more
5 Signs of Multiple Personality Disorder
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay Dissociative Identity Disorder, previously known as multiple personality disorder is a complex psychological disorder, which is difficult to diagnose and controversial. It is characterized by severe episodes of dissociation. Dissociative behavior can be divided into two categories: detachment and compartmentalization. Detachment is a voluntary or involuntary feeling or emotion that accompanies a sense of separation from normal associations or environment. Compartmentalization is a splitting off of the personality into separate parts whereRead more
The Psychological Defense Mechanism of Displacement
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “Turning feelings into words can help us process and overcome adversity.” ~Sheryl Sandberg Our emotional responses to everyday life events do not always take a linear path from perception to a reaction. Every day we encounter an endless assembly line of external stimuli that we must quickly access, process and classify. Our brains must categorize these happenings and life moments quickly in order to respond appropriately. Often our subconscious will identify some event asRead more
The Power of Positive Visualization
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “Logic will get you from A to B, imagination will take you everywhere.” ~Albert Einstein In my professional life, I recommend to my patients that they practice a bit of time travel. I ask them to imagine traveling into the future and to make positive visualizations about the time to come. They can imagine whatever they wish, but it must be positive. By focusing our minds on positivity, we can learn toRead more
What Does Your Social Media Say About Your Mental Health?
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “Too much self-centered attitude, you see, brings, you see, isolation. Result: loneliness, fear, anger. The extreme self-centered attitude is the source of suffering.” ~Dalai Lama Like many of you, I have a personal Instagram (IG) account where I like to share nature photography and images of trips I have taken. Essentially, I use IG as an extension of my memory and like the easy access when I want to reminisce. I amRead more
Don’t Miss the Opportunity to Show Kindness
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay This past weekend, I was out running errands that I wasn’t able to complete during the week. Between my work and personal life, I seem to be always running towards something. It feels as if my life is moving at a fast speed. I personally do not mind the pace but I still make sure to check in with myself to ensure that I am not mindlessly going through the motions. IRead more
How to Deal with a Co-worker Who Won’t Stop Talking
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “If my headphone are in, I am probably trying to do some work.” ~Anonymous I was in an office setting this past week. As I spoke to the receptionist her co-worker was loudly sharing a personal story. I could tell the receptionist was uncomfortable and was trying to get her co-worker to stop talking. I found myself not only listening to very personal details of someone’s life but incredibly I was also being askedRead more
7 Signs of Histrionic Personality Disorder
Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “The world cannot be the mirror to your soul.” ~Dr. Perry I was recently asked to explain histrionic personality disorder also known as HPD. Histrionic personality disorder is a psychological disorder that can affect both men and women. A person with HPD will have an insatiable need to be the center of attention. It is as though they have a hole in their soul. They often are described as drama queens and displayRead more
How to Identify Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Written by Dr. Eric Perry “Let’s meet at noon at the gym – oh wait, you probably don’t know where that is.” ~ Anonymous We all have that friend, co-worker or family member who has a special way of saying seemingly harmless words that makes us feel like we have been slapped across the face with a rose only to later find we have been embedded with thorns. These same individuals have the habit of doing or purposely not doingRead more
How to Overcome Technology Addiction
Written by Dr. Eric Perry, PhD “True happiness is… to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.” ~Seneca We live in a world where most of our life essentials are one click away. Food, clothing, companionship, entertainment, and even sex can be attained by just a click. More and more we are giving our vital life energy to electronic devices. Look around. I am quite sure you will see what is becoming a familiar norm. The bent head,Read more
5 Signs You Haven’t Fully Healed from Narcissistic Abuse
Written by Dr. Eric Perry “Narcissistic people are always struggling with the fact that the rest of the world doesn’t revolve around them.” ~Unknown It is common for individuals who experience narcissistic abuse to suffer in silence or not even know that they are being abused. Because narcissists are master manipulators, they can be very difficult to spot. Narcissist abuse syndrome is a term used by mental health professionals to describe individuals who have been victimized to the extent thatRead more
5 Benefits of Having an Imaginary Childhood Friend
Written by Dr. Eric Perry “Well, I’ve wrestled with reality for thirty-five years, doctor, and I’m happy to state I finally won over it.” ~Elwood Dowd-Harvey I love old movies. One of my favorites is Harvey, a 1950’s comedy that stars James Stewart. He plays a character named Elwood P. Dowd who has a companion named Harvey. The funny and problematic part is that Harvey is a 6’3 1/2″ tall invisible rabbit. In the real world, seeing imaginary beings as anRead more
9 Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder
Written by Dr. Eric Perry “Let us keep courage and try to be patient and gentle. And not mind being eccentric, and make distinction between good and evil.” ~Vincent Van Gogh The purpose of this article is to educate readers on a serious mental illness that is said to affect 1.6% to 5.9% of adults in America. This is from 4 million to 14 million people. The purpose of this article is NOT to vilify or shame individuals who sufferRead more
How to Deal with Emotional Vampires
Written by Dr. Eric Perry “Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” ~Unknown 1. Don’t be guilted or show pity Emotional vampires are great at using guilt or pity to control and manipulate others. If you show any sign of guilt or pity, you become an easy target. It is important to be decisive, direct and non-reactive when dealing withRead more
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