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Dr. Eric Perry
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How To Regain Your Balance When Life Knocks You Down

Written by Dr. Eric Perry
Image Credit: Pixabay

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.” ~Gail Sheehy

We have all heard the expression that life can change in the blink of an eye. One moment you are skipping down the yellow brick road towards your happily ever after unaware that the paved road is about to turn to dirt. You work hard and feel that you are deserving of the life you have made for yourself. This sense of entitlement can relate to many areas in your life; including your job, relationship or a certain standard of living.  In essence, you feel you have done everything right and are set on collecting your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The reality is that life is not predictable. The outcomes in your life are not based on a merit system. In what seems like an instant you can wake up and find yourself in a life you no longer recognize. The loving partner that once stood by your side can become a stranger overnight. In a moments notice your employer can decide to replace you. Sickness and death can instantly appear and change your life forever.

It is important to note that often the life-changing moment that has crashed into your life like a huge boulder through the roof of your home, started as a pebble. The routine experiences of life have a way of lulling us into a sort of daydream that we expect to last forever. Day in and day out as we cohabitate with our loved ones, we may begin to lose sight of one another. We may even forget to appreciate and respect each other. The once special shared moments may soon be replaced by the tedious details of everyday life.  Unexpressed anger and resentments may soon occupy the place that once stored love and kindness.

The daily jobs that we were so proud of may quickly become routine and burdensome. We may go from moment to moment unaware or forgetting that life is not always so routine and predictable. We blindly go forward forgetting to pause and check in on the health of our lives. We need to occasionally stop and assess our personal health, the health of our relationships, employment and life in general. Life is not a daydream. You must be fully awake to truly experience life.

Moments like this have the ability to stop time for an instant. Suspended in time, the shock of the experience will leave you speechless and unable to think clearly.  You soon realize that your life will never be the same. This moment has the power to change the course of your life. It is up to you whether the long term outcome is positive or negative.

After experiencing such a powerful moment, it is important that you give yourself time to process your emotions. You may immediately feel a range of emotions such as anger, fear, rage despair, confusion or grief. Allow yourself to feel these emotions fully, as long as you are not placing yourself in personal danger. Do not judge your emotions, just let them be. If you need to cry and grieve the loss of your relationship, job or other circumstance, do so. The loss may feel much like the death of a loved one. Heartache is one of the most difficult emotions. You are not only mourning the loss of the person, job or circumstance, but you are also mourning the loss of the person you use to be.

You can begin to accept the power of the moment after you have had time to go through and process the different emotions. The pain you have experienced, which has taken you off your course, may result in a powerful and transformative change in your life. Emotional pain has the ability to soften you so that you are able to receive the gifts that life has to offer. Going through these life-changing moments will allow you to gain invaluable empathy towards your fellow human. Only by experiencing own heartbreak will you know the depths of this emotional pain and be able to help others in similar situations.

It is important that during this time of emotional upheaval you surround yourself with friends and loved ones. For example, if you have suddenly lost your job you may feel defeated and worthless. By having loved ones around, they can remind you that you are more than your job. You have not lost value in their eyes just because you are unemployed.

After a healthy amount of time has passed it is important to continue engaging with the outside world. Do not isolate yourself. Human interaction is important in that it allows us to feel we are part of a larger community and reminds us that we are not alone. Interacting with others will remind you that we all suffer pain and loss. Experiencing failures in life are what make us human. We begin our lives as babies who stumble and fall repeatedly as we attempt to stand on our own. Each failure strengthens our legs and our will power.

Sometimes we fall short in life. The relationship that was meant to last forever fades away. The dream job can turn into a nightmare. Your perfect health can vanish and leave you dependent on others. Acceptance that this is part of life and not something bad that has happened to you will help you realize that we all will experience life-changing moments in our lifetime. Often times, these “bad” experiences turn out to be roadblocks that were keeping us from continuing down the wrong path.

I would love to hear from you. Have you had a life-changing moment that changed the course of your life?

The thoughts expressed in this blog post are my own and are not meant to create a professional relationship with the reader. This blog does not replace or substitute the help of a medical professional. Please note, I am unable to answer your specific questions as I am not fully aware of all of the circumstances.

Kindly,
Dr. Perry

Copy of Dr. Eric Perry

“I help ambitious and high achieving individuals manifest a life of success and fulfillment in order to achieve the life they truly desire.”

Dr. Eric Perry | drericperry.com

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234 responses to How To Regain Your Balance When Life Knocks You Down

  1. Shelly says:

    Hello Dr. Perry! This is a beautiful post. I lost a job I had for over 20 years. I was devastated and went through all the motions you mentioned. My life actually improved after this experience and although painful I would go through it again.

    Liked by 19 people

    • charliedoggett says:

      Shelly, Me too! I lost a job of 22 years just a few years after losing a wife of 20 year to divorce then later losing a 17 year old daughter to death, and the emotional loss of my son – grieving is essential but life goes on and I love it.

      Liked by 9 people

  2. Dhvani says:

    Nothing was constant and nothing will.. But legend created by realising that power of non constant state of life only.. So much genuine and so much powerful at the same time.. I am truly amazed by the post.. Loved it..

    Liked by 10 people

  4. Sunshine24/7 says:

    I love how you point out that as children we use our failures to stand to strengthen our legs. Great post!

    Liked by 13 people

  5. Dhvani says:

    I had that movement.. When I was even not having enough money to have lunch.. But see everything passed.. Today I am blessed with everything in life..

    Liked by 11 people

  7. DREW5000G says:

    After an episode with the police knocked me sideways I was brooding without realising. My innermost self was preparing to use the crash as an excuse to self destruct. I usually visit family at weekends but I sat brooding refusing to go. I guess my friend saw what was occurring and virtually forced me to go, which I finally did. I was so glad I went it turns out. Having people around that care about you helps you realise what is important. Your post totally relates, thanks for posting.

    Liked by 15 people

  8. Steven M. says:

    It was great to see this in my feed. I have trouble with change and this reminds me I need to learn to go with the flow of life. Thank you.

    Liked by 13 people

  10. Nigerian Patriot says:

    A very thoughtful and well written post of great insight. Dealing with the aftermath of a car crash that left me with severe head injuries nearly altered the course of my life for the worse. I had to learn how to positively manage the challenge and rest assured I have drawn great inspiring lessons about life from that experience.
    I completely connect with the emotions behind this excerpt of your post: ‘Going through these life-changing moments will allow you to gain invaluable empathy towards your fellow human. Only by experiencing own heartbreak will you know the depths of this emotional pain and be able to help others in similar situations.’
    Have a wonderful day Dr. Perry.

    Liked by 9 people

    • soulsmitten2020 says:

      I recently met a women with six children whose husband had a car accident that left him with traumatic brain injuries so severe he could no longer work or even live with the family. Yet this women is so beautiful and has shared her story as a speaker in many places and inspired so many people with how she has learned to get through. It’s nothing anyone would choose but then it can turn out for our good in the end somehow

      Liked by 3 people

  11. Elisabeth P says:

    It is true that life can slap us in hard ways and in strange moments. Being into such a shock myself, and in analysis, I struggle to perceive my new desired self and standards and what am I supposed to learn after the rude awakening.
    Thanks for your article!!

    Liked by 10 people

  12. josborne17602 says:

    In my humble opinion, we all need at least one life-changing moment in our lives in order to shake up complacency. The tragedy of 9/11 gave us one. It’s not about the moment, but about how we use it to change our lives for the better.

    Liked by 11 people

  14. Liola Lee says:

    Certainly thought provoking! Sometimes I think we get stuck and get in our own way. Lots to think about here! Thank you!

    Liked by 10 people

  15. TadraLife says:

    Hi thank u for this post well I just had a wake up call on my health in the weekend & even thou it was a random sugar level test it got me thinking, making healthier choices for the past 2 days & hopefully consistent.

    Liked by 7 people

  16. worrylessjourney says:

    At my age I have had a good many of them. Your article is right on track. The bigger the change the longer it takes to absorb it. Loss usually comes in waves instead of all at once. So the loss of a loved one may take a long time. Other losses may be quicker. Going on is critical.

    Liked by 10 people

  17. sheetalgarg says:

    After I lost my best friend … things were never the same .. And I thought that no one will become that special in my life ever again… but now things are better … It always gets better …!!
    Thankyou for writing this !

    Liked by 7 people

  18. thedewdiary says:

    I describe going through life on “autopilot”, just living life one day at a time, sleep, wake up, repeat…

    I always define my life as before getting diagnosed with CML and after. I fought very hard for tmfirdt few years after getting diagnosed but soon just started living life on autopilot. Accepting my lot in life, low self esteem and pity my constant friends…But in past year, there is a third phase I am going through: waking up, yearning to live fully…I want more out of life. Am no more living life as if I’m living on borrowed time…waiting for cancer to move into life threatening phase: I have stubbornly clung to my faith in God that I am healed. Now it’s time to dream new dreams…i am ready to LIVE

    Liked by 7 people

  19. ZeroSpace says:

    This is a very well written piece. You present each point with laser sharp clarity and in such a vivid way, yet without coming off as preachy and annoying. Very compact, straightforward, and simple. I mention this point because Medium.com has many articles in the same spirit, but the authors cannot achieve that balance and thus their points are lost on discerning people who are sensitive to tone and presentation, such as me. Hats off from the writer and critical reader in my brain. Professional level execution here. This comes at the right time for me, and I will likely save and re-read it to get me through a rough patch. For me it was “the dream job turns into a nightmare” – which one can hardly expect when one accepts said dream job and continually receives salary increases and praise but cannot apparently handle the stress of the job as expressed by worsening anxiety. Anyway. Thanks for posting and I am wondering if I might reblog this with a link to your blog?

    Liked by 9 people

    • Dr. Perry says:
      Author

      Please feel free to use the reblog tool provided by WordPress to share but do not copy and paste it entirely because doing so has a negative impact on google searches. Thank you for your comment✨

      Liked by 4 people

  20. Theresa Henige says:

    “You are not only mourning the loss of the person, job or circumstance, but you are also mourning the loss of the person you use to be.” This is the most poignant sentence, and the residue of loss that’s the most difficult for me. Very insightful.

    Liked by 15 people

  21. Susana Cabaco says:

    Brilliant post. I totally revise myself here. Many years had pass since my life-changing moment, the wounds are healed now, yet the scars remain. Of one thing I am sure about it, life was totally up side down and things were never ever the same. That trigger my spiritual awakening, and if all that was the price to be awaken, I would pay it again. And just me and God/Universe knows how dark it was. Many blessings Dr. Perry for your great work. In the light, S*

    Liked by 11 people

  22. jandvig says:

    Your post resonates deeply, as I’ve had that life changing moment(s) recently. Having had to process the emotions associated with being faced with life changing events I realize the value those moments serve with underlying wisdom that may not be fully understood (yet). It’s that trust and faith that upholds the will to go on and strive to accept and allow the change(s) that have presented themselves so unexpectedly.
    For me, it was a long term relationship that felt like it was over, but then morphed unexpectedly into my own life threatening incurable disease , which I’m presently facing. The relationship healed but the illness remains.
    I am working to process so many emotions and my soul connection to the “unknown” is the gemstone and light that keeps me from falling into hopelessness. And that there is actually an underlying unseen wisdom in all life events.
    Your post reminds me I am certainly not alone. Thank you.

    Liked by 12 people

  23. King Ben's Grandma says:

    I have experienced so many catastrophic life changes and I honestly wouldn’t change any of it. A lot of pain and a lot of hard work has brought me to myself. I love who I am. Its liberating and strengthening.

    Having a support system is very important. Don’t forget communities in cyberspace. I have a fantastic network of incredible people right here on WordPress.

    Liked by 13 people

    • Dr. Perry says:
      Author

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Excellent point, communities like WordPress can provide much needed support. Have a wonderful day✨

      Liked by 4 people

  24. Many of One says:

    @ 47 I’ve had a few & feel to be in the mist of one now. The depth of my detachment is becoming noticeable to me. I enjoy reading your insight…ty for taking time to share!

    Liked by 9 people

  25. Maria D says:

    I lost “the love of my life” overnight. The pain was immense and I thought I wasn’t going to make it. A year later I am stronger, happier and more compassionate. I wouldn’t change a thing. Thank you so much for writing this!

    Liked by 9 people

  26. Scarlett79 says:

    I have had two life altering experiences. Car Accident/Traumatic Brain Injury. I went out to get my hair done for a Wedding one Saturday morning in February and woke up in the hospital the end of March 🌿🍃🌿. Paralyzed on my left side, unable to see or remember anything. Our second life altering experience was the loss of our baby Sean Patrick. I’ll never forget how unforgiving life can be. Just keep moving forward and realize life is a gift and to live in the present. In the blink of an eye, in the blink of an eye!!! Blessings 🌿🍃🌿

    Liked by 11 people

  28. Just Bacon says:

    Thank you for sharing! I think it’s a good reminder too that we shouldn’t blame ourselves for bad things that happen to us. Even if our circumstances came to be based on the choices we made, we are human and are allowed to make mistakes. The key is to acknowledge this fact, forgive ourselves, and move forward. Thanks again for sharing!

    Liked by 11 people

  29. jomz says:

    I needed this. I am experiencing this life-changing thing, and I am still reeling from the blow of being kicked in the nether regions by life. Things may seem hopeless, but I try to tell myself that it isn’t. I just have to endure it.

    Thanks.

    Liked by 10 people

  30. sosparkly says:

    Thank you, this is an important post. You are talking about resilience. It is a rare commodity these days, and it comes with perspective. When we realize that we all suffer loss and failure in life, and some suffer at a level that is so much worse than our own. We must make the only logical choice, which is to get up, and keep going…

    Liked by 10 people

  31. monicatbd says:

    I was almost six months sober when my boyfriend of 4.5 years broke up with me. It was at that point that I had to start truly deciding for myself if I was worth sobriety.
    I’m very grateful to say that despite still having quite a bit of emotional pain that I’m working through, today I am 628 days sober. Had it not been for this event that I never saw coming, I do not know if I would be sober today.
    Acceptance is the key to my sobriety. Like I said, it still hurts, but the pain has been worth it for the amount of self worth, respect and love I have gained living a sober life.

    Liked by 12 people

  32. Disenchanted Princess says:

    “Life is not a daydream. You must be fully awake to truly experience life.”
    Profound advice and reminding. Being “fully awake” has taken on new meaning for me after heartbreaking and devastating events—-there is no more “daydreaming” through life. It is what is- with all emotions that come with it. The comments are a fellowship in and of themselves, as a reminder we are not alone in our pain. Thank you. 🙏

    Liked by 11 people

  33. Laura says:

    This is really helpful, kind, and practical. I especially loved the part where you said “Only by experiencing own heartbreak will you know the depths of this emotional pain and be able to help others in similar situations.” This is so true! It reminds me of the quote by Ernest Hemmingway – We are all broken; That’s how the light gets in. 🙂

    Liked by 10 people

  34. Helen says:

    I remember the day time stood still. About a year ago I discovered my husband was cheating on me. Worse and best day of my life. 3 years later I am a much stronger and better person for having survived that moment. I chose to spend time on myself and work on myself and have never been happier. Thank you for sharing this post Dr. Perry.

    Liked by 8 people

  35. liberallin says:

    Dr. Perry,
    I feel like this article was written for me. In the past year, I have been hit by a tsunami of life events- terminal illness diagnosis for both elderly parents, 20 year marriage ending in divorce after adultery revealed, transition from working to retired, unexpected health issues necessitating major life changes. I have found that blogging helps me to deal with this overload. It is more effective for me than talking to friends/family about my problems since they all seem to have their own worries.

    Liked by 9 people

  36. Amrutha says:

    Some of the recent experiences in my life felt like punched hole through me, made me emotionally vulnerable. But, its ok as always I’m already on the way of healing myself and becoming stronger and learning to handle my emotions again. Happy with who I’m today. 🙂

    Liked by 10 people

  37. Robin says:

    I am in my sixties, and there have been many life-changing moments, too many to write about here in a comment section. If only someone had told me this when I was 18, it might have saved me a lot of grief and learning things the hard way. Thankfully, it didn’t take me until I was 60. I just wanted to say I appreciated what you wrote and thank you for the post.

    Liked by 13 people

  38. Ashauk says:

    I feel like this post speaks directly to me! I’ve been experiencing job loss (and also finding it hard to find a job too); my business ran to the ground after we were cheated a few times; my first partner cheated on me and when I thought she wanted to work things out with me which I traveled halfway across the globe to see her, she walked away within a few days of me leaving; my second partner person whom I thought was the love of my life became a stranger overnight just because she didn’t know what she wanted in life; and these happened like a domino within a period of 2.5 years. Still recovering from the aftermath and struggling to keep my head up but I believe better days are coming my way.

    Liked by 12 people

  39. Katia M. Davis says:

    I’ve had several life changing moments. My mother died in my arms when I was 16. I got rheumatoid arthritis when I was 26 and had to give up a career as an archaeologist. I moved to the other side of the world because I fell in love. That relationship broke down after 5 years and I had to decide if I was going to stay over the other side of the world or move back to where I came from. I stayed. I quit a pretty much guaranteed-for-life job and plunged into the unknown to start a company with my cousin. I’m sure I’ll have a few more before it all ends.

    Liked by 10 people

  40. rduncanheart says:

    My health changed several years ago. It can be good for a while, then change again in a day. Also, my relationship with our kids(adult). It has really changed in the past few years.

    Liked by 9 people

  41. Leslie C. says:

    I do believe that acceptance is a big part of moving forward. Whatever the situation may be you can’t get stuck in why did it happen. Great post!

    Liked by 9 people

  42. writegardener says:

    Great post, as usual, Dr. Perry. Being exposed to toxic mold ripped my life out from me when I “should have” been in my prime. How quickly our lives can change in the blink of an eye, and bring a flood of emotions to process. I never would have picked this path but it certainly made me sit up and take notice and stop being a workaholic. Although physically healing was frustrating and slow, I learned many things through the experience like the importance of self care, setting boundaries, being grateful, and asking for help. It also deepened my spirituality to a completely other level. And yes, I can empathize today with others who look okay on the outside but are suffering from an invisible illness.

    Liked by 10 people

  43. D.B. says:

    I felt like this post was written for me. I’m going through a lot of life changes and reading this post and the comments reminds me I am not alone. Thank you so much🙏🏻

    Liked by 10 people

  44. Mike Nevin says:

    I agree with what you say. In my case a sudden return to life limiting illness has turned our lives upside down. 1.5 years on I am starting to find who I am again through writing. I find that blogging about my health issues both releases frustration in me and helps others. What I hadn’t expected until I started was that it would help me re discover myself.

    Liked by 10 people

  45. herrychiccounsels says:

    Thanks for sharing this doc.

    I did earlier in the year and along the way too.
    Life is definitely not constant and keeps evolving but in it all keeps us growing and going!.

    Liked by 9 people

  46. amazinggraceandpersonalspace says:

    Powerful words, reminders really ♥️ For me, some days I’m a champion, others just surviving but everyday I am present in the moment, offer gratitude for my life and seek to be a better version of me. Thank you so much for sharing xoxo

    Liked by 9 people

  47. gypsysoulsun says:

    I have experienced several moments in life that have been real universe shifters: marriage, the birth of my daughter, the death of my brother, the death of my mother. These happenings have really helped me grow and change.

    Liked by 9 people

  48. SomewhereinTX says:

    In the past year I have lost loved ones that made me feel lost and alone. It was an incredibly difficult time but I beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. I have gained much insight and appreciation for life. It’s such a fragile thing and we must cherish every day.

    Liked by 5 people

  50. Patunia says:

    My current partner lost their spouse. This spoke to me on a level I had no idea existed until not long ago. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. “Life is not a daydream. You must be fully awake to truly experience life.”

    Liked by 9 people

  51. Luna Pratiwi says:

    I lost my job several months ago. I was so desperate, stressed, disappointed of myself. Then I started writing again after 3 years hiatus and create the blog to help me cope out with this despair. Thanks for sharing.
    Best regards.

    Liked by 10 people

  52. -Eugenia says:

    Excellent post, Dr. Perry. I survived 4 layoffs and finally retired at 67. No regrets after over 40 yrs in the corporate world but a sense of relief now that it is over.

    Liked by 9 people

  53. danceswithalimp says:

    If you had asked this question 875 days ago, I would have told you about how I’d survived the deaths of siblings and my dad, divorce, and a major hurricane. Then 876 days ago arrived. I lost my youngest daughter – age 17 – in a car accident. My life looks NOTHING like it did before. Almost immediately, I ceased working. A couple of months after the accident, my husband and I were relocated half-way across the country. A couple of months after that I started a blog as a way to keep myself focused on hope through this process (and hopefully point a few others in that direction as well). A couple of months after that, I started seminary. And – just a couple of months ago, I started career 2.0 as Executive Director of a nonprofit in my daughter’s memory. I wouldn’t make it through this journey alone. Support is critical. Keep on encouraging people to get the support they need!

    Liked by 13 people

  54. Sharon says:

    Every time I sit still and really read and experience one of your articles – it amazes me. For myself, I think I have gotten stuck in experiencing the worst of the bad moments, without truly allowing myself to work through the emotion as a whole. Two years ago, even one year ago…I thought I was so on track with my life. I thought I had vision for what I wanted to do and who I wanted to become. But, somehow- here I sit yet again, feeling like the lost, scared little girl that is afraid of everything. It is definitely time to sit and look inward, and find the path to overcoming the pains. When I was on the ‘high of life’, I spouted off quote after quote to inspire and motivate others…and now, I rarely post a blog at all. It’s time to find change…

    Liked by 11 people

  55. Alex says:

    You are absolutely correct that the boulders that smash into our happy homes start off as tiny pebbles we choose to avoid. I should have tried to mend the disconnect my wife and I had. Instead I let miscommunication lead to a huge disconnection then separation. Iusy admit I was shocked when she told me she was leaving me. I’m trying to move forward and you article helped me a lot. Thank you.

    Liked by 10 people

  56. Angie says:

    I’ve had many life changing moments, some positive and some devastating. Acceptance has definitely been key: in healing, forgiving, growing, and moving beyond each incident to absorb the lesson.

    Liked by 9 people

  57. kaneleb says:

    Hello Dr. Perry! I love this post! It has deep truths without the sugar coating. It is very common, especially in men, for people to hide away from their emotions and traumas – causing further lasting damage! I experienced heavy emotions the other day after finding out that my mum might be homeless by Christmas. I took a walk around nature and allowed the emotions to simply be, then, with a more calm and collected thought system, I could start to think about what I can do to make sure this doesn’t happen. I used these emotions are fuel for the fire, driving my motivation to be successful up to the roof. When I got home that night I got to work on publishing my first Ebook, I started up my new site and I’ve been more productive than ever before! Like you said, it is up to us to make it into a positive or a big negative in the long run – I couldn’t dwell in sorrow, rather rise in passion!
    Thank you for this article and I hope you are having a splendid start to your weekend! 🙂

    Liked by 8 people

  59. kstites@abundantlydistracted says:

    Great article! It got me thinking about what I am doing with my life right now. I recently lost my job. At first I thought it wasn’t any big deal, I’d get another job and move on to a happier place. Well, a new job hasn’t been found yet only because I am trying to find something in my trade. The weeks of job search have been a roller coaster with applying for jobs, getting some call backs, getting the declines and hearing absolutely nothing on others. I’ve gone from the “I got this!” emotions to “Why me?”. I have finally reached my point of this is enough. Looking at where I am in my life, I’m assessing if I really want to get a job in the field I’ve been working in. Maybe it is time to do something different, take some classes, learn something new and maybe, just maybe be happy with going to work. So yes, life changing events are hard and some can really strike the ole ego. But life is a learning process. It has many lessons to teach us. Even if I’m unemployed, I’m grateful for this opportunity to find the path I want to go on. It is the right place for me now. Thank you again for this article!

    Liked by 6 people

  60. All About Life says:

    My life changed when I lost my husband to cancer. For about a year I felt almost dead inside, then I started therapy and the real grieving process began. Another year on and I decided that, if I was going to survive (and yes I mean that literally) I needed to make a big change in my life so I moved from rural Essex to the South of France. Another year passed, during which I oscillated between loneliness and isolation and trying anything that would give me an adrenaline rush (from riding on motorbikes at 250kmph to white water rafting). I was lucky enough to make some really good friends but I knew that I had lost myself somewhere along the way. The path to rediscovery was long and painful and there were honestly points where I thought I would be lost forever in the cycle of grief but 5+ years on, I have just published my first novel and I am beginning to feel strong again – possibly stronger and more independent than I was before as I have had to learn to live alone and trust my own judgement.
    Loss in any form (although especially the death of a loved one) throws more emotions at us than we can cope with – pain, grief, anger, guilt, depression, desperation, fear and I know that, for me at least, the only way to cope is to shut down. I held on so tight to all these emotions as I was terrified that they would overwhelm me; there were times when I thought I would drown in my own tears but, over time, little by little, I faced them all. The only one I have left to deal with is anger and it’s the one that scares me the most but I know one day, when I’m ready, I will let it out and then I will be whole again.
    Thank you Dr Perry for this thought-provoking, inspiring piece. :O) x

    Liked by 4 people

  63. Amanda(h) says:

    For the most part, I consider myself to be relatively lucky. I’m currently where I want to be in life, and there haven’t been many bumps in the road along the way. That said, there was one moment when I suffered a loss of opportunity. It definitely led to grief and all the related signs of it. It was the only thing so far that I’d ever let myself really want and really expect. But, whilst it was a moment which was painful, I eventually picked myself up and made the best of it.

    But, given how low I was then and considering that there are many more major losses I may be yet to experience I worry that the grief I felt then isn’t even half as bad as it can get. I’ll keep this post in mind if the time ever comes. I’m the person that generally tries to hide their pain and I prefer to ignore it if possible, but maybe I should try getting help the next time round. And maybe that will make the entire process of picking myself up more manageable in tougher circumstances.

    Great post!

    Liked by 6 people

  67. TMH says:

    Good line: “Acceptance that this is part of life and not something bad that has happened to you will help you realize that we all will experience life-changing moments in our lifetime.”

    Liked by 6 people

  68. na1man says:

    that’s a nice headline : lately I was thinking I was really tired with not much energy. I thought about my life and remembered I had energy when I had a balance!

    Liked by 6 people

  69. hamdehbuhumaid says:

    I feel you wrote this at the right moment. I’ve lost a relationship I expected to last. It is very difficult because of all the growth I needed to do to get where I was. And it ended, outside circumstances, I just had my breakthrough too late to save it. I do feel like I’m grieving. The loss of what could have been and what I wanted.

    Sometimes I feel the sadness is spilling into my soul. And even though I know it’s not me, it still hit my self-worth. Thank you for this post, you reached me.

    Liked by 8 people

  71. Maria Matthews says:

    Great article, 2019 has been an emotional roller coaster and sometimes living life can seem barren but your post left me with a firm resolve to pick myself up and live for the moment

    Liked by 7 people

  72. Becky says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this post. I lost my best friend 7 years ago when she decided she had had enough of this life. Although I was left heartbroken, losing her made me kick start my life. I left my relationship of 6 years, and moved to the bright city lights of London. And I can honestly say, I have never been happier. I miss my friend immensely, but I take comfort in knowing that she would be incredibly proud of the person I have become.
    ✨

    Liked by 9 people

  74. colettebytes says:

    I have had so many yellow brick roads turn to dirt, they would fill a book, but life is cyclical and ever changing… ‘If you don’t like the weather, just wait a few minutes.’

    Liked by 5 people

  75. Jaderenee says:

    Your post really resonated with me. Thank you for an excellent article. I can see that it touched many. I would also like to reblog on “A Walk in the Clouds”.

    Liked by 6 people

  76. YobiWorks says:

    Father died. Then wife came out of the closet. My tightly curated friends turned out to not be friends, and no one appeared despite appeal, laid off for the 1st time. Then let go for standing up. My therapist at the VA said I literally have had every single serious life event happen in the last 6 years. And that is only the last 6. Le sigh. Thanks Doc! I shared in social media, and network. Good writing.

    Liked by 5 people

  77. Michele Anderson says:

    Wonderful post Doctor Perry. Yes I’ve had several life changing moments in my life as I’m sure everyone has. Everything you have said is what you have to do to get by the hard times. The saying, “This too will pass,” is true. Your life will get better and balance will be restored. Life won’t be the same but it will still be good.

    Liked by 5 people

  78. Amrutha says:

    Read this again today. Felt like reading it for the first time 🙂
    This is exactly what I’m feeling right now.

    “After experiencing such a powerful moment, it is important that you give yourself time to process your emotions. You may immediately feel a range of emotions such as anger, fear, rage despair, confusion or grief. Allow yourself to feel these emotions fully, as long as you are not placing yourself in personal danger. Do not judge your emotions, just let them be. If you need to cry and grieve the loss of your relationship, job or other circumstance, do so. The loss may feel much like the death of a loved one. Heartache is one of the most difficult emotions. You are not only mourning the loss of the person, job or circumstance, but you are also mourning the loss of the person you use to be. ”

    I really needed this. Because, really Am confused with my emotions. I’m asking myself Am I overacting ?
    But no, I really miss the person I used to be.

    Liked by 6 people

  79. Francine P.H. (fine art) says:

    Just went through this with dealing with uterine cancer, which I handled well I thought, until they have me a cat scan which showed something in my bowel which my Dr. said looked like cancer. Had to wait for a colonoscopy to find out “it was not cancer”. That waiting was the hardest thing I’ve ever done….

    Liked by 5 people

  82. Nimish says:

    Hey Dr. Perry. Thank you for such wonderful post.
    I am going through a tough phase in my life as i have filed for divorce. This process is very stressful. Somehow i feel shy to share my emotions about my divorce. I have started living very private life. Many times i feel like writing about it on my blog but i dont get that confidence to go ahead.
    I know this pain and hard days are temporary. Things will be perfect very soon.
    Regards,
    Nimish G

    Liked by 5 people

  84. V says:

    Agreed. Even though i found that the “bad” experiences have an important role in grounding you and if you give them attention, without just discounting them as “bad” – these experiences can fortify you like nothing else ever will. Great stuff!

    Liked by 5 people

  85. Thisisreeny says:

    Hello Dr!
    What a beautiful post to read this morning. Change is a necessity in life. It’s a roll a coaster of growth in life.
    Like you said « If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living ».
    Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 5 people

  86. Remembering Lives says:

    As a teacher I have seen lives change in a heartbeat. A mother whose son went to bed and never woke up, the little girl who accidentally stepped in front of a car. That was a moment which changed my life too. I remember that little girl most days. It has often caused me to give my own children an extra hug.
    I also think of the day when I was finally believed regarding the narcissist in my life and my journey to freedom began.

    Liked by 5 people

  87. one@atyme says:

    Thank you for this. You’ve said so much so succinctly. A phrase touched a chord – “Only by experiencing own heartbreak will you know the depths of this emotional pain and be able to help others in similar situations.” Yes indeed! I’ve gone through some trials over the years, and it is because of these trails and heart aches that I’ve learned to be kinder to people, and show more compassion. I am now able to come alongside others who are going through similar circumstance and provide an arm to lean on or a shoulder to cry on.

    Liked by 4 people

  88. Nancy Ruegg says:

    Helpful reassurances here, Dr. Perry. For years I thought the grieving process applied only to losing a loved one to death. Somewhere along the way I realized that circumstances can cause us to grieve as well: a broken relationship, a move across state, a lost job, etc. Recognizing that grief occurs in such situations–and is OK–is comforting in itself. But one way I have found to combat the accompanying depression is to be intentionally grateful. And the growth of character through tough circumstances is also worth celebrating.

    Liked by 7 people

  89. Zena Ann says:

    Omg, this post has hit dead-on with the struggles I am going through. I; already suffering from other traumas, have a hard time being around others because of my unemployment. I can’t join in or do things I would like to do. I hate feeling like a burden to others: financially, when I can’t afford to barely “keep up with LIFE.” Thank you for this great post.

    Liked by 7 people

  90. Janet Boston says:

    What a beautiful blog and insights to read. I saved this so that I can re-read it if Im feeling down or demotivated. I just recently have a life changing experienced. When I thought my life was going perfectly according to our plans then I discovered that my husband was having an affair for 2 years already. I was shocked and devastated at first. Hatred, anger, resentment overflowed my emotion. It was a heart breaking moment when you know that someone you thought would never hurt you betrayed you for a long time. And you have no idea about it because he acts perfectly that you thought nothing has change. Its painful to know that someone you thought you will spend your lifetime with chose to be with someone else. That he can leave his family behind. And all you can do is to set them free and start over again your own life without them.

    Liked by 7 people

  91. Eric Saretsky says:

    Thanks Dr. Perry. The past few months have been pretty challenging as I have blogged. But with the right family and friends’ support, reflection, and reminding ourselves that we cannot change others, the ship rights itself again. Congratulations that you continue to help so many thousands to find their emotional strength.

    Liked by 6 people

  92. runjumpskip says:

    I would like to share this on our blog page, as a community in Ireland, we often witness the distressing result of those who are failing to pick themselves up. So with your permission I would like to post this as it is and point others to your amazing site.

    Liked by 6 people

    • Dr. Perry says:
      Author

      Please share it using the reblog tool on WordPress or share it via a link to this page. Please do not copy and paste it in its entirety as that negatively impacts search results in google. Thank you🙏🏽

      Liked by 2 people

  93. Doreen M. says:

    Wonderful post. I recently got very sick. The timing was horrible. This post helped me a lot. I just have to accept that I am not as healthy as I want to me but I can start making changes today. Thank you🙏🏾

    Liked by 6 people

  95. Choose2BeHappy says:

    This is such a wonderful post! I had a rough childhood while growing up. I am now just starting to turn the negative energy I was creating into positive and really appreciating where I am in life. I think it is so easy to wallow in self-pity when things are going wrong, and this post is a really great read for people who are in the middle of things that are going wrong. Thank you.

    Liked by 6 people

  97. Meenakshi Verma says:

    Hello Dr. Perry! I’m grateful I came across your post. At the moment, I am going through lot of upheaval in my life. I’m an MBBS, and have been preparing for MD/MS Entrance exam, wherein I could not get a good rank this year. My boyfriend got an MD seat and now we’re 1000km apart for the first time in our two-year relationship. He is superbusy with his MD and has found new friends to rely upon. Somehow I feel like I am not as important anymore. We’ve been fighting almost continuously since the past two weeks due to the jealousy and insecurities that have crept up, and now he said he needs a break. He was the one who had always been insistent on our wedding once we settle in our careers. I feel completely broken and lost right now. Please help me.

    Liked by 7 people

  99. Suraj Sood says:

    Thanks, Dr. Perry. I recently failed to pass my dissertation proposal defense (studying psychology at the doctoral level) and lost a relationship one year prior. These losses in such quick succession make me wonder if last year wasn’t meant to be one of learning to let things go, for me 😁

    Liked by 7 people

  100. Author_Joanne_Reed says:

    Marcus Aurelius said: “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” My perspective on this is, when life knocks you down it may be a good idea sometimes to sit down, have a good cry and let all the raw emotions leave your body, flow down freely through your tears and down your cheeks. I am sure you are aware of the many studies that showed that crying can have many benefits for your health and well-being; experts believe that it is actually an important part of processing emotions and overcoming traumatic events.

    Liked by 8 people

    • Jordan Hoggard says:

      I resonate with your response comprised of Marcus Aurelius’ expression and your take on it applied here. As I like to say, “Be fluid, though don’t go with the flow. Only dead fish go with the flow.” Your post lends a special credence within my perspective to enhance, reinforce, and strengthen the fluid quality with the poignant perspective often born from tears. There’s a wonderful connotation of the power of exhaling forcefully to downshift in your comment. Thanks much for that. Much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

  101. Kelly says:

    This was an excellent post and very timely. I was recently diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s and I am really trying hard to focus on living in the moment. I refuse to be focused on what my life will become, and try to focus on what is right in front of me. I have been knocked down before and I am quite sure I have many more coming my way, but I can’t allow myself to have a pity party for too long. I have so much life to live.

    Liked by 7 people

  103. Amber says:

    I have had many such life changing moments and every incident has taught me something. The only thing I have never learnt is how to be become less optimistic and how to be trust less. I feel I am hopelessly optimistic and trust a lot, I guess trust blindly is a word. Is that a disease too?

    Liked by 8 people

    • Dr. Perry says:
      Author

      In general, being overly trusting to the degree that it may be harmful to you could possibly suggest poor boundary setting.

      Liked by 4 people

  104. justmeellenc says:

    Beautifully (and helpfully!) stated, Dr. Perry. I truly believe and subscribe to every word and have blogged about similar themes myself. Six months ago I also went through a life changing event – losing my job of 29 years. What could have been a nightmare turned into a dream come true when I secured a new, better position at a new company nearly immediately, along with enjoying a new, stronger self-identity and sense of self worth. I used many of the tools you describe so thoughtfully … surrounding myself with my friends’ and family’s love and support. Also feeling the pain but, at the same time, putting forth a laser-focused ‘mission’ to move forward. And, taking a couple of weeks between jobs to do things strictly for myself. I look back with gratitude and wonder at this epic time. Very surprising in a way, but I’ll take it! My next positive life move is to follow your blog right after I post this comment! And I don’t follow ANYONE. Thanks for your wisdom and insights and looking forward to much more!

    Sincerely,
    Ellen Cooke

    Liked by 5 people

    • Dr. Perry says:
      Author

      Thank you for your comment and I am happy to hear this post has resonated with you Ellen✨

      Liked by 3 people

  105. Eric Saretsky says:

    With all the sort of life, mental, physical or emotional challenges – in everyone’s experience, it is important to find someone, something, or some ‘healing’ space, to revive and carry on. Life is not predictable. I’m glad there are health professionals who can help those who actively want to be “well”. But that’s the detail – some will not take a long term role in their own well-being.

    Liked by 4 people

  108. belovedbehappy says:

    Incredible! Your points made directly relate to my life and how I’m dealing with loss and exactly what I share with my readers on posts of my personal experience through it all. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 6 people

  109. Kitti's Favourite Quotes says:

    I really enjoy reading your post. So true in many ways! The ideal plan never seems to go as I wish. There is always a block or detour. Sometimes, it does make me put a pause and re-think or plan. But time doesn’t stop for me to really taking a pause that’s the most challenge part to me.

    Liked by 6 people

  110. Covert Novelist says:

    I hope everyone reading this takes your words to heart. It’s never easy and always take a considerable amount of time to fully comprehend and deal with especially when you work and put your emotions on hold for 8 hours then have family especially children you don’t want to impact with your emotional baggage. Still, it must be done in order to get by the issue that can become a stumbling block to growth. Thank you for taking the time to share such valuable information. I for one appreciate it.

    Liked by 5 people

  114. SamViRa says:

    This is a very enlightening and informative read Dr. Perry. 2019 has been a very trying year for me and all that I can say is that, although I have never been this hurt before in my life, it has certainly been a transformative year in my life. I feel I need to learn more about the importance of understanding pain and its reason and evolution in others, but most importantly in mine. And as much as we don’t like it, but acknowledgement and acceptance of this pain is very important in the process of healing and to gather the courage to move on. I believe in marinating myself in whatever emotion I am experiencing, so that I can channelise it towards my creativity (I dabble in a bit of poetry and writing). And it has helped, albeit slowly, but it has. And having a great family and friends always does wonders in terms of pulling you down from your altered sensorium and showing you stark reality. Great read, Dr. Perry. Thank you!

    Liked by 6 people

  115. Grady says:

    I loved this blog post! I recently went through a big upheaval in my life. I was blindsided and at a late age, had to start all over. What I first saw as a negative turned into a positive and eventually I saw it as a Blessing in disguise. In three months I have picked up the pieces, cast away any ill feelings or grudges and have started a new journey, a new adventure. Thanks for always posting inspirational, motivational and thought provoking blogs!

    Liked by 4 people

  117. erinshelby says:

    You are certainly right about empathy. Going through a hardship can make a person more sensitive to seeing how that hardship impacts others. It can permanently change the way you see things.

    Liked by 5 people

  118. soulsmitten2020 says:

    My brother in law of 22 years died suddenly last March. It was unexpected and traumatic. He left behind my sister and three children. It was definitely one of those moments that shakes you free of that type of comfortable apathy you speak of. I would never choose for this to happen again. But it definitely brought gratitude into our lives for the regular every day things. Thanks for your post

    Liked by 4 people

  120. bostongirl13 says:

    Dr. Perry,
    I have been experiencing complicated grief after losing both my parents within three months of one another and have a Dx of Developmental Trauma.
    Too many life changing moments to name here I’m afraid. I’ve been knocked down so many times that at times I feel rather hopeless.

    It is clear that you are extremely intelligent, quite articulate, and embody a vast scope of knowledge on this subject. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Thank you so very much for sharing this.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Dr. Perry says:
      Author

      Hello, I am sorry to hear of your loss. I hope my posts will be helpful for you during your time of grieving and healing. If you are a Facebook user please follow my page where I do my best to share positive and uplifting posts as often as possible✨

      Liked by 2 people

  121. SWWYH-Elizabeth Lewis says:

    Your post has strengthened my resolve to remain sturdy given my own situation that I have been experiencing since the onslaught of the coronavirus. Having worked in China for the last four years, I informed myself that it was time to move on to another country to serve. I resigned my job and just as was on the last leg of the paperwork to leave China that is when I was stopped in my tracks since all embassies closed their doors in Beijing when the coronavirus heightened. I decided not to panic telling myself that this would be over. I was spiritually inspired to create my blog in February. As I waited, I wrote and created my online motivational vids. Now that China is coming back to the fore, the rest of the world is now at an unrest stage. Can it rain any harder? I am a believer, so this too will be shrunk and destroyed. I remain uplifted! Your post was a source of inspiration!

    Liked by 3 people

  123. Christina Kyranis says:

    Helpful and reassuring post! I remind myself that I am powerless over external things. I the only thing I have control over is my inner world , my response or reaction to the outer world. Also, it’s nice to be reminded that giving myself time to process feelings is the right thing to do! Thanks for posting! Cheers

    Liked by 3 people

  125. deeeverythingatonce says:

    Yes.. I went through this experience but it made me bitter for sometime and I am a very different person now.. yes it made me stronger and more practical towards life but i miss my innocence which i can never get back.. but still I am happy with what i have learned from this.. and i am trying to make balance with the positive things from before knock down and after knock down… and its great experience..🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    • parikhit dutta says:

      I completely relate to you. That innocence and naivety that was murdered and bled to death making me bitter and leading to building walls around me to avoid a similar situation ever again. But like you wrote, it was a lesson to limit my sensitivity and emotional attachment and be more pragmatic. I have embraced life as it comes now, take three deep breaths before anything and everything and I guess I have become stronger with time.
      A big thank you to Dr. Perry for his every insightful posts.

      Liked by 3 people

  128. Reshma Bhat says:

    It is true; isolation is considered the most easy way out to deal with such heart-wrenching moments. Though this works temporarily but in the later stages, communication becomes extremely important. Also, I’ve realized, accepting emotions gives one the clarity to deal with the turmoil. This post was really good!

    Liked by 4 people

  129. Harken's Headers says:

    Well said and also very true. Our reaction to these changes is what ultimately can help build the pathway towards how the outcome could go. Like Bruce Lee said:

    “Don’t pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a hard one.”

    Keeping that quote in mind always helped me with unexpected changes in life.

    Liked by 5 people

  131. A Curious Mind says:

    very well put! You make plans for your life, thinking it is all going to turn out exactly how you planned it and Boom! it’s changed!! it is no where close to the plan you had in mind…..

    Liked by 4 people

  133. Kristi says:

    My life changer was when my nephew was killed on the USS McCain a couple of years ago. I was very close to him and the grief and shock was overwhelming. ❤️

    Liked by 4 people

  136. Cynthia Nadal says:

    You could have written this about me. I had a challenging year, divorce, loss of my father, money troubles, and ultimately taking time off work as a CPS social worker after noticing performance issues due to stress. After the difficulties, I was able to identify life priorities and shift my life in a positive way! I have never been more satisfied and happy with my life. Thank you for this. (reposting…if not appropriate, please let me know).
    Cyndi

    Liked by 2 people

  137. Omneya Osama says:

    It was the moment when I found books. Reading is life-changing for me. It was the thing that I’ve been missing my entire life, and when I read, I feel whole and complete.

    Liked by 2 people

  138. Andrei says:

    I think losing someone very close to my heart (my mother) in 2017 has brought about a significant turning point in my life, especially the way I now value relationship/human connections and time.
    Great post, as usual, Dr. Perry.

    Liked by 3 people

  140. Jasper Hoogendam says:

    After my brain injury in January 2015 it is the loss of who I was that I needed time to mourn. I always believed that my injury had a purpose. A friend referred to her change as living a repurposed life. I am motivated to pursue that to the fullest. As I once stated, on a weighted average my quality of life has improved from before my injury. A change in what I value.

    Liked by 3 people

  141. sharingsimplewords says:

    Thank you for your beutiful words! Change is inevitable and no one can escape it! We all have stories of how our lives (and us as human beings) were trasformed all of a sudden. And we are all survivers as long as we kept going!

    Liked by 3 people

  143. hope2018exchangingdisappointmentforhope says:

    Thank you for a beautiful and deeply touching post. Last year I had a tragic personal circumstance that turned my life upside down. However it has put me on a new path and out of the tragedy has come my blog on hope. I write for myself to be honest, to help me find hope on a daily basis. So my personal tragedy hasa metamorphosed into a truly life transforming and amazing experience in the long run.

    Thank you again for your words of wisdom.

    Hope

    Liked by 2 people

  144. Véronique Cliquet says:

    Very inspiring post thank you . Painful experiences have enabled me to discover so much more about myself: my vulnerabilities… my weaknesses…my strength and so on. It is when I feel deeply the pains or joys of life that I become alive. It is when I lose my way that I often find who I truly am
    Looking forward to reading your next posts Dr Perry.

    Liked by 2 people

  145. writegardener says:

    Wonderful post, Dr. Perry. So heartfelt.

    A huge turning point in my younger life was being exposed to toxic mold which completely turned my world upside down. But, in the 10-year recovery process, my spiritually reached unforeseen heights and I had to change my workaholic ways into prioritizing my self care.

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom — all good to hear whether currently in a challenging circumstance or not.

    Liked by 2 people

  146. sangeeta kale says:

    Wonderful post!! Yes, I had such experiences. I had a one-dimensional, life. Fully engrossed in my profession. A big jolt made me explore new things in life, like meeting people of varied professions, travelling, running marathons and gym… I understood the meaning of wholesome life..!! A bad experience helped me change my path, for good..!!

    Liked by 2 people

  148. ivonescoaching says:

    Hi, Hello.. 🙂 yes indeed it is up to us to create our health in every sense. I have created my l my health, my strength my life. And every day is a new day a new opportunity! Thank you for your work! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  151. JLJ says:

    My dreams of family/children turned into me becoming a lifelong caregiver. My happily ever after turned into a nightmare…twice. Then I realized my whole life was the matrix and I’d finally woken up. I’m still reeling and trying to recover. Thank you for your insights.

    Liked by 2 people

  153. dyanrandf says:

    Thank you, this was a wonderful blog. So true to my life right now. I lost both of my parents within 25 days of each other. Due to the Coronavirus I was afraid that we were going to loose our security company which was my husbands dream. Instead we learned I would be loosing him also. He has been diagnosed with terminal metastatic melanoma. We are hoping Immunotherapy will give us more time but reality is that I will loose him. I could just give up or I could decide how to support myself when he is gone. That is why I joined Rodan & Fields as direct sales. It was the door I needed opened.

    Liked by 4 people

  156. Sheryl's Light says:

    Truer words were never spoken or in this case, written. I remember a time back in my 30’s when I had just broken up with a boyfriend. This had happened before so I was well related to the physical pain and emotions of a broken heart. I knew I had to embrace this familiar pain and remember telling a friend that I wish I could fast forward through all the pain and misery I knew was coming. Of course, I got through the breakup with lots of music.

    Liked by 3 people

  157. Dainelle A. says:

    I’ve had many life changing moments, but I’d have to say receive my PTSD diagnosis was the most impactful. It helped me process a lot of my past experiences and learn how to better manage my emotions. While I’m still learning, I’ve come a long way since then. Your posts are always a helpful reminder to allow myself.

    Liked by 3 people

  158. thesupermode says:

    “You are also mourning the loss of the person you use to be”. I guess I still am. On the outside I look fine, but I feel like just the shell of the person I used to be. It’s very difficult to get back up and worse still to regain faith and hope for the future. I’m trying everyday.

    Liked by 4 people

  160. Adventures of Ohemaa says:

    Thanks for the reminder that these life-changing moments usually turn out to be blessings in disguise. I’ve had my fair share of life’s up and downs, my mantra is everything happens for a reason.

    Liked by 4 people

  161. vinneve says:

    Sure thing! almost everybody is experiencing hard times nowadays. True that having friends with you helps and being with family. Good to read things like this as well to remind us. Thanks!

    Liked by 3 people

  165. barbaraturneywielandpoetess says:

    Everything about my life has changed this year and keeps changing. It’s a tempest year, with some calm-eyed moments.
    I’m getting divorced from my husband of 30 years, losing my home, trying to change countries and I’m stuck by the covid situation and the divorce situation. Nothing is clear and I don’t recognize who I am or who anyone else is or the way forward. So, I am grateful for anyone who shows up to walk beside me each day, even if that person is myself. Yes, I fall and will fall again, but… I’ve got great legs!

    Liked by 3 people

  166. Silent Minds says:

    I loved this! I especially took away “life is not a daydream and we must be fully awake to experience life”. At the beginning of this year I thought I was coping and functioning well as long as I stayed with my head above the water. After I had 3 deaths in 3 months, it all came crashing down slowly. I had to acknowledge that I don’t have to be strong for everyone else, to pay attention to my health and to create a space for me just to process and step away so I can experience that life that is worth living. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 3 people

  167. writegardener says:

    Probably like most others, the changes from covid/ccp-virus lockdowns have been profound. I’ve heard that mental health needs are up 700% in the last quarter of 2020. Even though I don’t enjoy large crowds and as an HSP I tend to stay on my own, I found that in only 3 months of lockdown it was crucial to my mental health to be involved with others and have a change of scene — even if this meant drives in the country, or conversations with just one other person. The complete loss of all joyful activities and at once has been astounding…and has created another problem which I understand is called “pandemic fatigue.” Instead of focusing on the losses, though, I am trying to make and stay on a schedule which helps alleviate all those blank pages in my appointment book and the feeling of “Why get out of bed?” (which I’ve never had).

    Liked by 2 people

  168. Premo Productivity says:

    “Acceptance that this is part of life and not something bad that has happened to you will help you realize that we all will experience life-changing moments in our lifetime.”

    This is a gem! People with a victim mentality say that bad things happen to them; pragmatists say that bad things happen. There is a huge difference in the emotional baggage related to the incident and one’s ability to regroup and be resilient between these two perspectives. It’s much easier to move on when you don’t take things like this personally.

    Liked by 3 people

  169. Rutvi Muley says:

    The truth in this blog made me really emotional. I’m so moved by everything you said. I once read another blog from you a very long time ago, and I had been trying to find your website again. Was very delighted to finally find it in my email. Thank you very much for the work you put out!

    Liked by 3 people

  170. Les Phillips says:

    Your article speaks to the heart of what is destroying our nation. Many folks are having a very hard time adjusting to our rapidly changing society and world. They have withdrawn into a defensive position rather than moving forward. I’ve taken the liberty to post your article on my Facebook page. Thank you.

    Liked by 3 people

  171. josborne17602 says:

    I’ve always had the thought that one of the truest parts of grieving is no longer having the hope of the “what might have beens” and that includes not merely grief over the passing of a loved one but grief over ANY significant change in our lives. And yes, many things change for each of us in the course of a lifetime, and we all sense the wonder of “what might have been” if they hadn’t changed. Your well-written article reminds us that change is going to bring those things. I often say that change is both a blessing and a curse – you leave some good things behind, but you find some good things as well.

    Liked by 4 people

  172. Kim McKinney says:

    I’m lost my job in 2019 at age 58. I’m 60 now and what an odd few years. The good thing is that all that has happened since has not been stressful as much as interesting. I learned a lot – such as there really is age discrimination in the workforce (recruiters wanted me to look at jobs that were 60% of my prior salary because they said that was just the way it is) – but I also have been very aware that I have been preparing for this all my life. I take each day as an adventure. On Day 1 I asked myself “What’s the worse thing that could happen?” and I knew I could handle it. I haven’t even been close to the worse, and instead have been amazed at how things have enfolded. I’m currently selling my house, moving to an apartment, and in doing so cutting expenses drastically. The equity will give me a cushion, along with the flexible jobs I am taking on, so I can look after my mom who has Alzheimer’s (I’m not alone there – I have four engaged siblings) and spend my life doing things I enjoy, like travel and spending time with interesting people. Life is still good. In fact, it is so much better.

    Liked by 4 people

  174. Pink Elephants says:

    Needed to hear this. Love the beginning and hitting the dirt road. 🙂 Got a tickle out of that one.

    Facing changes now with my barn and animal family at the barn. It is not the first time by any means. And I learned the HARD way, but I designed and manifested this beautiful barn situation, that evolved from those challenges.

    I learned to find what best fits me, and stop looking to fit into molds that are typical or that are expectations of others. From this I designed this perfect barn situation and it has been blissful for 4+ yrs.

    But because I rent, and do not own, along came the change I always dreaded and hoped would never come. Giving thanks and gratitude for what I had found each day. I literally would feel the joy and beauty from what I have found and kept for 4 beautiful years.

    Then came unexpected change. Barn owner has been diagnosed with border line Alzheimers and needs to sell his farm. (no I will very unlikely be able to stay, that would be like winning the lottery) (that just never works out)

    So, here I am faced with hunting for another barn. And I am angry, sad, and dragging my feet in finding another home for my 2 horses and 2 cats. It is a huge challenge. Exhausting and discouraging. I resent it! And envy all those women who have a farm of their own.

    I have good days and bad days. Hope is like a roller coaster. It comes and goes. Many worries and concerns.

    I meditate ALOT more now. I write it out. Talk it out and get back out there and start looking. I find that looking alleviates some of the anxiety of not knowing what the future holds.

    I do visualizations and on some days I completely let go and have faith it will all work out for the best.

    Doing my best, but not a fan of change, especially when it involves finding a home for those my animal family that I hold so dear to my heart.

    Thank you for this article. It allowed to feel and talk it out. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  176. saymber says:

    Thanks for this post Dr. Perry – I have been grieving a divorce this past year an it was very much like a death as you say. I am blessed to have family and friends to help me get through it.

    Liked by 3 people

  177. Shaunelius Sterns says:

    Change is good. It helps us to grow and to see things about ourselves that we did not see in the beginning. As we change and grow we become stronger through the circumstances we go through. Life changing events can happen at any given moment, but we cannot let it stop us from living our life from day to day. I have gone through so many life changing events until I could write a book about it, but during all of that I became stronger and more wiser. I have learned to accept change. I was one who did not like change for a very long time. Going through things has taught me that life goes on even in devastating events that we have not any control of. We just have to keep moving forward. Thank you for sharing your article. I enjoyed reading it. It really hit home for me. Have a wonderful weekend.

    Liked by 4 people

  178. She Writes says:

    I experience a life-changing experience this year. It’s a roller-coaster ride. I’m unemployed and things are challenging and it really humbles me. However, losing my grandmother changed my life a lot. Wherever she is, I’m home. But, whe she passed away, I feel lost and alone more than ever. It’s difficult. I simply allowing myself to go through with the process right now.

    Btw, thank you for such beautiful post. It is full of insights.

    Liked by 3 people

  179. kmoser56 says:

    Many life changing moments: the realization my religion could not hold me up, a divorce, independence, back to co-dependence, realizing the difference the second time around. The list could go on and on. The good moments: redeveloping a relationship with my children, becoming a grandmother, acceptance that I can make decisions for myself and trust myself, and finding these writings that help remind me that life is good, and I’m okay.

    Liked by 4 people

  180. thejourney.home_ says:

    Yes! I’ve thought about this so many times and your words couldn’t be anymore relatable or true. I had an event happen at the age of 21, I thought it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. In turn, it turned out to be the best. I’m more empathetic, loving, aware and intentional with myself and others. It completely changed my life direction and I’m so glad that it did! It took years and years to see it that way but eventually it all came around

    Liked by 2 people

  181. kmoser56 says:

    Yes, yes and yes. Every time I try to “apply the rules” lately (“I’m sorry you feel like that..for example), I am told that is an incomplete and underhanded apology. From a loved one. Indicating to me, for example, that I am missing something. What is good for the goose, isn’t for the gander. Etc. You are right, it takes time to process, something the other person does not wish for me to do. This is hard. Fear is a hard and fast topic. It wants us to react immediately. I have to remind myself of that over and over and over. Stop fear dead in it’s tracks. Go s-l-o-w-!

    Liked by 1 person

  182. jojobateman says:

    It is important to learn from our bad experiences in life . What were the lessons learned ? How will I deal with things differently next time. Every negative can be turned to a positive if you view it the right way x

    Liked by 1 person

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