How to Overcome the Discard Stage of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

Written by Dr. Eric Perry
Image Credit: Pixabay

“Here is a new car, a new iPhone. We buy. We discard. We buy again. In recent years, we’ve been doing it faster.” ~Arlie Russell Hochschild

So here you are, in the middle of the aftermath and wreckage. You have been left behind by a cold-hearted narcissist who once intoxicated you with love and admiration. You most likely are feeling confused, hurt, overwhelmed and angry. You bought into the love bombing. You sacrificed life and limb for this relationship. You fell for the elaborately executed scheme of your narcissistic wounder. And still, you may be unsure if you are making the right decision to leave this person behind. The discard stage is the period where the narcissist has idealized, devalued and is now in the process of discarding or throwing you away. This stage of the narcissistic cycle can be a painful reality check for anyone on the receiving end. However, it is also an opportunity to reclaim, revive and rebuild yourself.

Here are 7 important steps to take if you are currently being “thrown away” by a narcissist.

1. Set boundaries
Patients of mine may struggle with going no contact even though that is often my first recommendation. It is important to set boundaries with the narcissist even if that means going no contact for 30 or 60 days. After 30 or 60 days of no contact, it is likely that the narcissist will move on or you will begin to see more clearly the damage that has occurred as a result of the dysfunctional relationship. It is critical to know that even if the narcissist has discarded you, it is not uncommon that they will return shortly after to make sure you are still “hooked.” Let friends and family know that you are attempting to keep your distance from the narcissist and ask them to help you stay accountable. Never attempt to do this alone. The weaponry of the narcissist is calculated and cunning. You can easily fall back into the grips of the narcissist if you are not careful and assertive.

2. Educate yourself
There are many informative books on narcissism and the impact narcissistic abuse can have on an individual. Because we have become more aware of narcissistic abuse as a society, extensive information can be found online through blogs and YouTube videos created by professionals and those who have been narcissistically abused. It is important to know that just because you are in the midst of being discarded, this does not mean that this is the end. Hoovering is a strategy used by narcissists in order to “suck” their victims back into a relationship with them. Hoovering is often done after the silent treatment is given or the victim has left them. It is a technique named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner and can last days, weeks, months or years. Do as much research as you can to gain insight into the many tricks used by narcissists.

3. Start focusing on you
It is likely that you have spent much of your time and energy putting the narcissist first. Now that you are in the discard stage it is important to take this time to focus on yourself. This may be difficult at first because you may feel absolutely vampired by the narcissist to the degree that even your sense of self has diminished. Take a moment to reflect on the things that you once did that brought you joy. Maybe it was a yoga class, getting a massage, going for walks or taking trips to see nature’s beauty. Whatever it was, make a mental note here and now to bring these happiness promoting activities back into your life. This may be difficult at first but don’t give up. It is absolutely necessary to begin putting yourself first either again or for the first time in your life.

4. Seek support from family, friends and a professional
Family and friends can provide a valuable support system to help you stay accountable for not going back to the narcissist. A professional can help ensure that you will not repeat the pattern. In my practice, I specialize in helping individuals recognize how past wounds, often from childhood, lead to the encoding of negative core beliefs such as, “I am not good enough,” “I don’t matter” and “I am not important enough to come first.” These negative core beliefs can easily become vulnerabilities to the calculated narcissist. The narcissist can often quickly and easily identify your negative core beliefs and begin to “feed” you in those areas. You may feel seen, heard and understood for the first time in your life by the narcissist who is simply using these vulnerabilities to manipulate you to do their bidding. By having a deep understanding of what your negative core beliefs are and when and why they developed, you will be able to more easily recognize when a person is attempting to use them against you.

5. Connect the dots
This is the “Let’s take a good look at myself” step. If you are honest with yourself, would you say that you have dabbled with narcissists before? It is not uncommon for there to be a love addiction on the part of the abused. For no fault of your own, you may have learned at an early age that this type of relationship is normal. If a person is raised by a narcissistic parent it is common for there to be a passing of the torch so to speak. The new narcissistic partner simply takes on the role of the parent in a repeated pattern of narcissistic wounding. For the abused, it is something that just makes sense. It’s time for a change. It’s time to make sure this never happens again.

6. Resist self-blame
This is not your fault. Just because you have good intentions for others does not mean they have good intentions for you. One of the most common traits of a narcissistic relationship is gaslighting. Gaslighting means to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. This includes manipulating you into thinking all of this is your fault. Chances are high that your narcissistic wounder made you believe that you are to blame for many of the dysfunctional aspects of the relationship. The truth is that you were most likely trained from day one to take on a great amount of guilt and shame in the relationship. Resist the temptation to blame yourself for the shortcomings of the relationship. This is a pivotal time of your life… a time to begin again.

7. Be patient
A patient once came into my office and said, “Heal me now.” It is important to keep your expectations realistic as you begin your healing journey. Physical wounds do not heal instantly and nor do emotional wounds. But, they do heal. I cannot emphasize how important it is to eagerly seek out and discover why/how you found yourself in the relationship with the narcissist. The last thing we want is for this to happen all over again a year or two from now. Don’t rest (not literally) until you discover these answers that are within you.

The thoughts expressed in this blog post are my own and are not meant to create a professional relationship with the reader. This blog does not replace or substitute the help of a medical professional. Please note, I am unable to answer your specific questions as I am not fully aware of all of the circumstances.

Dr. Perry

Copy of Dr. Eric Perry

“I help ambitious and high achieving individuals manifest a life of success and fulfillment in order to achieve the life they truly desire.”

Dr. Eric Perry |

The materials and content contained in this website are for general information only and are not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users of this website should not rely on the information provided for their own health needs. All specific questions should be presented to your own health care provider.

In consideration for your use of and access to this website, you agree that in no event will Dr. Eric Perry be liable to you in any manner whatsoever for any decision made or action or non-action taken in reliance upon the information provided through this website.

If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. You can reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.


98 responses to How to Overcome the Discard Stage of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

  1. Klea says:

    Reblogged this on narcissistic truth and commented:
    Valuable information By Dr Perry PhD for those who have just realised they have a narc in their life, or have just broken up with one …

    Take care xxx

    Liked by 6 people

  2. boomergirl47 says:

    This was timely for me. I think my ex-boyfriend has narcissistic tendencies. I found myself feeling that I couldn’t extricate myself emotionally (even after I left) because the psychic connection was so great. It felt like he’d “cast a spell” over me. I found myself wondering if leaving him was the right thing to do, but your post will help me to keep my resolve to keep moving forward. It’s so hard to resist his charm!! Thanks!

    Liked by 12 people

  3. Simply Hina says:

    Thank you for this really great read. It’s taken me about 2years to emotionally and mentally get to free from me ex narcissist boyfriend. I was so on control and wouldn’t take shit for the first 6months. Then. Got dependant and messed up for the next few months of the relationship. It was long distance too which in the end allowed me to go through the painful 2years of extracatating myself from knowing him at all. The rel lasted 9months and then I took it into the friends zone and knew more than anything it had become toxic and I couldn’t be his caretaker and empath at the Cost of losing myself whom I’d worked on so hard to become over a few very hard years nd hard intensively therapeutic work. Now it’s 2018 and I am really feeling free. He is still blocked on all ways of contacting me & reached out to me. Via one mean I’d forgotten to block him on and gave me his sob story and I remained firm and didn’t allow for my humane feelings to suck me back in to his chaos that uprooted me so much previously. It’s been a major learning curve and my sanity and independence are worth much more than a romantic relationship! Peace.

    Liked by 7 people

  4. Mary Lou says:

    Reading this and recognizing myself. With distance, I’m seeing things clearer. I’m reading “The Wizard of OZ and Other Narcissists. Thank you.

    Liked by 6 people

  5. Thank you for this post. I think the most difficult part is not blaming ourselves, especially when well intentioned people keep telling you that it is your fault because you allowed the person to abuse you.

    Liked by 9 people

  6. kikiphoenix says:

    I thank you for this post also – I have definitely been a ‘victim’ of this kind of relationship. It is only with hindsight that I saw it and recovered.

    Liked by 6 people

  7. Great article! Very well written, covering the most important aspects post-discard.

    I can’t go full no contact because we share a chikd. But it is important to point out that they use the child to Hoover you back in, maybe not a relationship with them, but the abuse. They use your children to keep tabs on you, to control you and manipulate you. You have to be very strong to see through their ways and be able to separate and weed out lies and truth.

    The point about putting yourself first is one I’m still struggling with, not because I don’t try, but because coming up with the time is hard when you have to juggle a full-time job and a parenting schedule, trying to pay off your legal debts.

    But I’m going to share what was the first thing I did for myslef. It’s a bit embarrassing. But I’m going to share to show others how badly we out them first to the point where we don’t even take care of ourselves anymore.

    Two were the things I started to do again for me as soon as I could. First one: Wash my hair more than once a week. Sometimes I would go almost two weeks without washing it. I just didn’t have the time or the energies. Truly embareassing. ?My hair was down to my waist at the time, taking me a very long time to take car of it. Still, I had been able to take care of it when narc wasn’t in my life. But then, I stop taking care of myself.)

    Second one, chores. Yep, took care of a long list of things I needed to do at my place. I still had my house from before getting married. Chores might be something boring and not for oneself. But it gave me pleasure and a sense of accomplishment she. I was finally able to tackle a 7-year long list. Still not done. But most of it.


    Liked by 7 people

  8. notdonner says:

    The wreckage that a person like that creates is so horrible. Friends, parents of an adult woman married to this type, are trying to support their child, but the victim here has to want to get help and seems still “stuck”. The narcissist is not done using her. I’ve seen it before when another woman I knew was in a decade-long slide with a narcissist boyfriend. (Her) siblings’ equally unrelenting caring -pressure finally convinced the predator to abandon the relationship.

    Liked by 7 people

  9. The F Word says:

    I’m fortunate not to have been someone to suffer this but thank you for putting this information out their and empowering people to try and break the cycle x

    Liked by 6 people

  10. Michele Elkins-Hoffman says:

    Once again, you save the day. You have no idea how much I needed to read this. Thank you Dr. Perry. Thank you~

    Liked by 6 people

  11. This is so good. I am approaching the ten year mark of my “independence day.” I am still uncovering the ways in which my life was twisted. I wish I had been reading you ten years ago. I know you are helping so many people.

    Liked by 7 people

  12. Wonderful post. In having experience with this, I agree, don’t blame yourself and start focusing on “You.” Great to have a support group of friends and family. Narcissistic people completely drain you and it takes time to get back on your feet and learn to live in balance.

    Liked by 6 people

    • I tend to blame myself for many things and have gone into a state of depression because of it. I am beginning to see things in a new light with help of counseling. Interesting read and a great way to educate myself. I am loving his posts. As far as friends and family I tend to avoid most all of that. I seem to make friends that need loved and am trying to figure out how to attract people I can have fun with. Any ideas??

      Liked by 4 people

      • I know exactly what you mean. I am just now discovering an answer to this. I am absolutely free to be me; the real me. I can not allow myself to shrink or be quiet because someone else is uncomfortable. When you are completely comfortable with who you are, it’s pretty easy to weed out anyone who doesn’t like you for real.

        Liked by 3 people

  13. Chrissy says:

    Thank you Dr. Perry for this post! I unknowingly and innocently dated a narcissist (he may have been a sociopath) 6 years ago. Despite it only lasting for a short time, it was a traumatic experience (zero exaggeration here). I had zero clue that he was this way from the outside looking at him. He ended up being very manipulative, liked to isolate me, tried to turn me against my mom, silent treatments, there was never a good time to talk to him. I was stressed a lot with him. He was sexually pushy. He was disrespectful and did insult me calling me out of my name. I have zero contact with him since then, despite him trying to connect with me via social media. I didn’t date anyone for 2 years after this person. Not because there weren’t men pursuing me, but because I didn’t want anyone. I was so extremely turned-off. I needed time to heal and I took as long as I needed to do so. I went to go see a therapist to make sure I was okay and coping properly, so as not to ruin the rest of my dating life, or life in general. Buried traumas will eventually destroy a person and their life, so that’s what I meant about the therapist. I only got to learn about narcissism from doing my own research. I also did research on body language. I knew that the guy I had dated was disturbed. I didn’t know exactly what it was while we were dating, but the research I did pointed me in the direction that he was either a sociopath or a narcissist. These people are very dangerous and can absolutely destroy an unsuspecting person. I have never dated a guy like him since. I am extremely cautious. I come first and I will protect myself at all costs. Anytime a guy starts to display any of those red flag characteristics…I’m out of there!

    Liked by 5 people

  14. jamaJenison says:

    I remember the first domestic violence shelter. I had just left the narcissist. No support from my family; after all, I had put “them” in danger. Tucked away in the small shelter on the far corner of the city. I would take a break from my online class, or go to smoke a cigarette, and BOOM!! The tears would just come from no place! They were uncontrollable. This would happen time and time again for months. I was lost.
    Six years later, this seldom happens. But, I have been through so many therapies. I had decided this would never be okay with me again.
    Ladies, get out of there!
    I know the unknown is unimaginable. Just go. I would be dead had I not left. Don’t you be the next one. just go.

    Liked by 7 people

  15. I just left a narcissistic friendship and found this part of the article very relatable – “One of the most common traits of a narcissistic relationship is gaslighting. Gaslighting means to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. This includes manipulating you into thinking all of this is your fault. Chances are high that your narcissistic wounder made you believe that you are to blame for many of the dysfunctional aspects of the relationship”.
    Which they did… they mixed their words when I confronted them about issues in our friendship, making me think the issue was all in my head. Any more info on narcissistic friendships would be awesome! Thank you Dr. Perry! 🙏

    Liked by 6 people

  16. journalingart says:

    This is great. I’ve been reading books about narcissism and seeing a wonderful therapist. I’m move than 6 years free from my narcissistic relationship. Thank you for this post.

    Liked by 5 people

  17. You nailed it again! Awesome proactive steps. All wise words. I’m fortunate in that I’ve not been in a relationship with a narcissist. I am married to one with Schizoid Personality, though which, from what I’ve learned, has some tendencies/traits that can look like narcissism (?). I once thought my husband was on the narcissistic spectrum. And although we’re married and reasonably happy, there are a few sticking points. My mom’s mom is a bonafide narcissist, no question, so these articles are really helpful for us all, even if it’s on a more peripheral level for me 😊🍀💙

    Liked by 4 people

  18. Alicia Dean says:

    The term “narcissist” is very new to me. I’ve been walking a road toward healing after learning that my mom is most likely a Narcissistic Sociopath. No Contact kind of just happened. It’s been 6 months. And I am enduring almost daily input from Family on my choice. It’s been super rough. But I have amazing friends and husband and support system.

    Liked by 7 people

    • It has been difficult for me but I have left the relationship with my narcissistic person. As the black sheep it is hard for others to see what is going on. My mom can be a very nice person in the eyes of the public. She has blamed me for so many things that I never did. It hurts but now I realize to stay away from her. I am glad you have a good support system. It helps when you do.

      Liked by 5 people

  19. raindrop says:

    Being patient in healing is such a good point to have in there, I find this very hard! I wish I could just get over it already haha.

    Liked by 5 people

  20. Lorien says:

    Very fitting. Perfect timing. I’ve only come to realize in the last couple of months I have been the victim of narcissistic abuse in my marriage of eight years. He decided to end it in June and since then has been blaming me for the lack of forward progress in our divorce. He also has seized any and all opportunities to let me know that it is my fault that our marriage is ending. And he says this after we went to a bunch of therapy, and the therapist asked him, “Are you willing to see your part in this?” My husband just got angry and denigrated the therapist, said later that he was a piece of crap and he’d never go back. Sigh. So I’m definitely being discarded; he is even having an affair with another woman while we are still married and still living in the same house with our two kids. The worst.

    Liked by 5 people

  21. That was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through; however, I came out onto the other side and it was the BEST FEELING EVER! If anyone is hurting, please know you CAN get through it and you ARE going to feeling SO MUCH BETTER!!! Keep going! 🙂

    Liked by 6 people

  22. atishoo5 says:

    Oh my goodness. These are pretty much all the steps that I took to extricate myself from a dangerous narcissist several years ago. I love it how you take the psycho babble out and provide tangible and practical steps. I can attest that these actually work! Especially the no contact. Do you have any articles on how to spot a narcissist, especially one in sheep’s clothing?

    Liked by 5 people

  23. ashes4him says:

    I liked your article. It was so insightful, wish I had this information years ago could have saved myself years of heartache and pain. Good to have this knowledge now in case I should run into another narcissist, I can keep running. Lol. Thank you!

    Liked by 5 people

  24. What a wonderful article!
    Its been a long time since my friendship with a narcissist ended and I am now at a point where I can actually be grateful for the personal growth I experienced during the healing. Everything you listed was true, especially the manipulation, which was so apparent to me in hindsight. The being discarded was the most painful, but I have blossomed since and my life is now filled with many kind and loving friends. Thank you for posting this because I know you have helped many people by doing so.

    Liked by 6 people

  25. The Almostler says:

    Oh my god this post is amazing! If only I could have seen this post about 2 years ago to help me through a break up with a boy who my psychologist believes is a narcissist!

    Liked by 5 people

  26. I just read this and actually cried. My ex husband is a narcissist in the worst way as he became very abusive and had me believing it was all me. Its been over ten years and i still catch myself saying sorry for things I never did. I’m not sure how long my healing will go, yet as i tell others my own stories I read these and see a little hope. Just a quick thank you.

    Liked by 7 people

  27. Gritty Momma says:

    I’m glad I found you! It’s very encouraging to see the awareness and expertise on NPD growing. I grew up with one for a parent, and the person got much more severe once I reached my adult years, and it led to my parents’ recent divorce. It’s a real thing. It’s serious. And more people should know about it!

    Liked by 5 people

  28. karenlee111 says:

    Think you may have guessed from some of my own posts I was a victim of narcissistic abuse (parental and partners) leading to complex ptsd. Can’t be too specific on my own blog as my children read it. But if you want me to write anything for you that is more personal I would be happy to help. Am now in blissful recovery 🙂

    Liked by 6 people

  29. I just wanted to say how ironic it was that you liked a post of mine and this article was recommended. I believe I’m a victim of narcissistic abuse from the husband I talk about at the beginning of my post. Your article provides an odd sense of peace about with situation with the husband. That I’m not alone, I’m not crazy, and maybe I don’t deserve it. Thank you!

    Liked by 5 people

  30. Wow, so good!! Speaking up and against can be tough, but as someone who has gone through abuse and a narcissistic relationship, I say this is very encouraging to give people awareness of what not to put up with.

    Liked by 6 people

  31. Excellent advice! After 10 years in a relationship with a narc and another almost 8 years providing support for victims on my blog ; I can not emphasize enough how important no contact is. Many victims don’t understand that no contact is not just them not contacting the narcissist. It means blocking any means the narcissist has of contacting them. Block them on social media, change your phone number if possible. It often becomes necessary to cut any mutual friends out of your life for at least a while. The N will use friends to do his dirty work, keep him informed on the victims life, get messages to the victim. Most times the friends are oblivious to the fact they are being manipulated.
    I do feel it is important to also say; 70% of domestic homicides happen within 2 years of the victim leaving. The N hates to lose control. I was surprised to find out that one of the top indicators the victim is in danger is if the N has ever choked or strangled the victim.
    If his lips are moving, he’s lying.

    Liked by 5 people

  32. Ryane says:

    I appreciate you writing this Dr. Perry. You just helped me make sense of my world. We need more people like you around. Be well.

    Liked by 5 people

  33. Beautifully said and written. I love the way you explain your topic, without blame, without harm to the victim. Your words are calming refreshing a breath of fresh air to those wounded souls healing. Thank you so much. It certainly can be difficult to deal with those types of individuals. I see red flags so I move quickly out of their path but for those that are seduced by their “meaningless words,” it can be a painful learning experience.

    Liked by 7 people

  34. Really great look at breaking a pattern and getting out. So many articles out there on this almost want the victim to diagnose and fix the narcissist. I like your escape plan better.

    Liked by 6 people

  35. RDLH says:

    I’m a survivor and my ex-narcissist is now serving twenty years to life. The time to GET OUT is now ladies. Thank You for this valuable article. Blessings

    Liked by 5 people

  36. moragnoffke says:

    It is a pleasure to read your blogs. It is very informative and I know this is addressed to people with partners or friends who are connected to narcissists but having watched my husband’s family struggle with a narcissistic father I think it is far harder to do those things because of the felt obligations especially when the father is 80 and needs care, yet he still manages to leave a wake of chaos behind him. I think the narcissistic wounding makes it even more difficult to disengage and to be clear about where the boundaries are as the children are still looking for that approval and and love they could not get from their father, even in their 50s.

    Liked by 6 people

  37. Perfect timing, even after years of healing another trauma can open up the doubts for a moment unless you lean on the healing and not the codependent addiction to tirelessly find ways to create sunshine out of dirt, unrealistic beliefs that surface are best written in the book of healing and not the book of hope.

    Liked by 6 people

  38. Ladysag77 says:

    I am unfortunately used to this cycle because my mother has BPD Narcissist. I have had to establish strict boundaries over the years but I must confess, it still stings when she steps on my feelings. Knowing and having more emotional intelligence has been a painful battle at times over the years. Thank you for writing so eloquently Dr. Perry about this difficult to understand at times disorders. Your blog serves as a reminder, a comfort and a community that understands.

    Liked by 3 people

  39. Dear Dr. Perry,

    Thank you for post this amazing article on your website, so delightful and real. The reality you explain here can be hard for people who are empaths, I am one of them.

    I fell into this trap because it is what it is a real trap that will hurt you. I used the no contact rule, and on valentines day, I received one email asking how I was and blah blah blah. But you know what? I am so much better alone and looking after myself that I don’t care about what he has to say.

    The only thing I can add here is: please honor every relationship you had (even bad ones) in your life and be careful with the enormous attention in the beginning. There are out there, men or women, who are just great at phase number one where the hormone cocktail they are experiencing with you makes them crazy about the image they have about who you are. That won’t last long, and most of these people have also avoidant attachment styles or even anxious.

    As a Teacher, I truly believe, and I defend that we need education for love and relationships urgently.

    Take care, Dr. Perry. 🙂


    Liked by 5 people

  40. Teacher Camille says:

    Thank you for this wonderfully-written article. I know this would help many.

    Kuddos and more power, Dr. Perry! Know that you’re a blessing to many. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  41. Diane Sidwell-Kaiser says:

    Finding myself at the end of a relationship with a narcissist – classic textbook. Everything is my fault even when it is explained in detail how there’s no way it can be. He defined how I should feel disrespected, stated he did nothing hurtful even though I told him I was hurt. Twisted the disrespect from him in the form of rage/anger rants into “his passionate beliefs,” “he’s just loud.” Then the defining blow – refused counseling said only been dating less than two years and he was no where near that deep. News to me…..This article is so on point of what I am going through this very moment trying to make sense out of what I am feeling and what has happened. I’m a highly intelligent person – the manipulation factor is so real and scary.

    Liked by 6 people

  42. Kristi says:

    Having gone through a 3 year relationship with a narcissist, I know how horrible the discard stage is. I allowed him to do it a half dozen times and each abandonment was traumatic. I never dreamed I would ever be in such a toxic relationship where I was so manipulated and abused. Thank you for educating people on this. ❤️

    Liked by 5 people

  43. Marsha says:

    Wow! This is great advice, though hard for someone in the midst of the trap to do on their own. Having escaped, it took many counseling sessions to realize I was dealing with narcissistic abuse. I learned new information from you. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 4 people

  44. M. says:

    Good post, thank you for your articles. I do believe that even if it’s the most painful thing to do, going NC is the best decision to be made. With that decision you are able to focus on yourself and realize that the other person, the narcissist only lied to your and drained your energy.

    Liked by 2 people

  45. freekat2 says:

    I didn’t know the term “narcissist” during my two marriages. It was a rebound relationship after my second marriage in which I came to know the term – and the reality – deeply. Both of my husbands had narcissistic tendencies (lots of lying and manipulation), but this guy was a textbook master narcissist. From the love-bombing to the gaslighting and extreme emotional manipulations, he brought me to the lowest point in my life. It took me over two years to finally extricate myself from his influence. Then I fell for another narcissist who’d been a friend who’s shoulder I’d cried on through many years of drama. I believed that he understood me and loved me so deeply. He used everything I’d ever told him that had hurt me in the past in order to become a super-narcissist – and harm me even worse in every way than I’d been harmed before. That was my last relationship. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to trust anyone again. I’m so grateful to be free.

    Liked by 2 people

  46. Ms Nkani says:

    The issue is no matter how long you stay with this type of person the damage is always horrible and healing is a process. It’s a whole of process of rebuilding and trying to figure out who you are. It’s such a draining process. Imagine this, one gets used to apologising for everything because of the narcissistic behaviour you experienced; when you leave a narcissist, you’re stuck with the trait of apologising for everything other people do to you for the next few months because you think everyone is like that.
    I understand why people want healing right there and then. It’s because the damage is so powerful it literally renders one to believe their life is a mess.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s